I just heard from the other room my 3 year old son tell my wife, “I’ll protect him!” This is a pretty common phrase around here and he’s an awesome little boy, but I don’t want you to believe for a moment that he’s an exception to the rule (you know the rule: toddlers are insane and unruly little monsters).
My super sweet 3 year old has plenty of teachable moments and is growing up every day. He learns from his (many) mistakes, sinful dispositions, and everything else that comes with being a 3 year old. Every moment of our day-to-day parenting choices should be shaped by the obedience of the Son (Jesus) as is revealed to us in Scripture, but 98% of our teaching moments are not Bible lessons. And I believe that’s biblical.
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Common Evangelical Interpretation (CEI)
The CEI of Proverbs 22:6 varies in degree but not in kind. The interpretation is generally:
- “train up” = Bible reading and Catechism
- “the way he should go” = to church
- “when he is old” = when he/she goes to college
- “will not depart from it” = once trained, always saved
More Helpful Interpretation (MHI)
The MHI of Proverbs 22:6 at the very least takes into account that this proverb could be obeyed prior to the invention of the printing press. Indeed, Old Testament saints as well as most followers of Christ throughout church history didn’t have a personal bible or even a family bible. The MHI is as follows:
- “train up” = watch, hear, & imitate me as I live & repent (this involves the Bible too)
- “the way he should go” = what kind of person you were created to be: a lover of God and others
- “when he is old” = tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, etc.
- “will not depart from it” = his/her baseline religious and relational instincts, habits, and feelings will be godly
What This (Practically) Means
I love to pray through the VOM 2015 Prayer Calendar with my boys. I love Advent readings, adult-Bible and kid-Bible reading, and Christian virtue stories of all kinds. “Family worship” is awesome and should be encouraged. But family worship does not equal fulfillment of Proverbs 22:6.
Proverbs 22:6 involves a comprehensive approach to training the whole child (mind, will, and affections) to love what is true, good and beautiful. It involves what St. Paul called “The Paideia of God,” (Eph. 6:4). The Paideia of God requires faithful Christian parenting to be sure, but it also requires the support of the church and the school and the extended family working together in solidarity from the same core values.
How quickly and easily the work of godly parenting is undone through relentless exposure to our extraordinarily powerful, pervasive, and corrupt contemporary secular culture administered and communicated effectively by virtually omnipresent media outlets and a secular educational system! As essayist and mother, Caitlin Flanagan, wrote in the January 2006 edition of the Atlantic Monthly:
The ‘it takes a village’ philosophy is a joke, because the village is now so polluted and so desolate of commonly held, child-appropriate moral values that my job as a mother is not to rely on the village, but to protect my children from it.”
So, Proverbs 22:6 requires Ephesians 6:4. Raising godly people requires a comprehensive, biblically-based, counter-cultural alternative to negative influences. But Proverbs 22:6 also involves “little things” like demonstrating self control, repenting towards mommy and towards children, and teaching my 3 year old why I require him to eat all of his veggies and baby brother is simply allowed to play with them. Before he expresses the exasperation that comes with being held to a higher standard, I want to teach him why I hold him to a 3 year old standard and not a 1 year old’s. As he demonstrates responsibility and understanding, we give him more and more opportunities to learn age-appropriate obedience:
“Yes son, being older has perks: cookies, staying up later, and root beer among other things.
But son, we must always remember that being older has more responsibilities too: an expectation to sit still longer, required first time obedience (every time), and the responsibility to protect his younger brother and not hit mommy (or girls).”
Every child is different and knowledge of healthy child development is essential to success. Expecting my 1 year old to sit still in church sets him up for failure and sets me up for physical and emotional exhaustion (and later in life, a lot of counseling).
What I’m Not Saying
I am not saying that Bible reading, Bible memorization, family worship, or regular church attendance are unimportant. To show and teach our kids what a renewed mind thinks requires us to renew our minds. We cannot say we value the Body of Christ and not actually prioritize being with them.
Getting On The Floor
We must get on the floor with our kids and model for them how to be fully human in every moment of their Lego-filled existence. Getting our “family devo time” in at the dinner table and then checking out for the duration of the evening isn’t Proverbs 22:6. Neither is dropping them off at Sunday school once a week and then filling the rest of their week with godless television, movies, music, books, friendships, and education.
We don’t enforce biblical authority by threats of punishment (or withholding rewards) for sinful behavior. We enforce biblical authority when we behave as our God does: he doesn’t lord over us as the Gentiles do. He walks before us, shows us the way, invites us onto his lap, doesn’t allow us to destroy ourselves in our wickedness and pride, teaches us obedience as sons and daughters, and gives us realistic goals that he knows we can attain (because he knows us). (All of those references are from the Bible)
By all means, avail yourself of the resource that God has so graciously provided you (I’m talking about scripture and the church ). But don’t stop there! Seek to provide a holistic and godly culture (“The Paideia of the Lord”) by creating a home environment informed by biblical discipline and training. Fill your children’s lives with wholesome examples of godly behavior. Counter the blasts of falsehood, immorality, and ugliness our children are assaulted with on a daily basis with an education that values truth, goodness, and beauty and seeks above all to glorify God.
Having done all this, then rest and trust in the promise of God that “when they are old they will not depart.”